I have a serious problem

Is it bad that at night i hate sleeping alone wishing that i had some one to cuddle up to having a void in my hart... when i try to sleep i relize im all alone and have no one in love with me but thats ok i have friends to fill the void. Im starting to feel different i do not know what it is, but its a good feeling like some thing changed in side me the only time im sad is when i lay alone so i just wont sleep :).  i have a been going on these things with friends i do not have a date but they do it sucks but again being with all of them. Ok getting of topic a bit, I know why god put me on earth and that is to help people i truly mean it i want to help every one i want to give money i want to give every thing i can to help I do not know how to do this but i will do this I promise

Grrr

Things suck for me but i know things are way worse then me and i know its selfish to complain but i can not help it. I hate being alone and being single but i have gave up on that shit i feel like no one wants me and that is fine i guess :/ I just wnat to get cuddled lol i know its lame but idk i cant think i think im the undateable guy but i have tons of friends and im fine with that lets hope i find some one that will at least cuddle and chill fingers crossed maybe some one i have dated before probably not casandra im thinking kayla idk tho mind is mested up

So

My life is getting better but i hate being single i wish i could just find a chick to be with but that is not going to happen any time soon ill probably be alone for the rest of my life. I really just need to stop think about it so much. I got a job and work with allot of really cool people. There is some that im attracted to but will not make a move just cuz i do not know I wish i was back in high school and use my charm to get the chick insted of looks I guess every one cares about is looks now a days its sad.

now single ;[

Paranoid

So every thing is working out for me but i cant help to be paranoid it sucks so much i feel like some thing should go right but i cant help to feel this way i feel lonely even tho im not i do not understand these feelings i know im in love she loves me she has told me so why do i feel this way i do not even know any more i cant help it but feel this way it SUCKS im like crying right now i feel so scared i just hope i get over this what ever it is my girlfriend sent me some numbers to  some people that can help me. Im gonna wait tell next wenesday i think i just need to work i really care about my girl friend i love her so much i know she will read this she reads all my post.. I love her so much i hope she does not get mad that i feel this way i know once i see her every thing will just go away and we will be fine as im typing this im playing the song aftermath-hurt ok thank you for reading i get 300-400 views a month i cant believe you people care please comment more i had some nice comments from some one ok good bye

A message from me :)

Ok so lately i have seen some sad things and people that are sad. I would like to tell you all that i feel like its my duty to cheer you up or at least talk with you so if your ever sad let me  know and ill talk to you and i hope make you happy. im  there for you even if you do not know me i love life allot and i do not want to see some one die cuz they have no one to talk to :) ok thats all i got to say for today i hope to update this more but with little time i have its hard

i feel kinda sad

Im feeling kinda down today starting to realize so many different things, most good things. but i can not help to  feel soo sooo down i do not know why , i hope when i talk to my gf tonight she will make me feel better  i need her here but i do not know when thats going to happen i cant even believe that she wants me im so lame dumb and ugly and she is so amazing funny cute so so beautiful . shit as im typing this im having a panic attack shit man this sucks the pain i get from these is unreal its taking me a wile to type this when it should be like 30 secs to type all of this .. i do not know any more im so useless i hope my gf loves me

My girlfriend

Im not really good at romantic but im gonna give it shot  my girlfriend is so amazing she tells me she loves me she tells me how much she cares... i care about her so much i love her so much i want her to be around her as much as i can. i  want to wake up next to her i want to see her every day i love her.. she is so freaking beautiful im so attracted to her hart and personalty. she is my world and i want to do every thing i can to make her happy. If she needed my hart to live i would give her my to keep  her alive cuz i could not live with out her she is the greats thing that has ever happened to me... I do how ever need advice to want to talk to her about lol all i keep doing is talk to her about how much i love her lol well we know so much about her all ready ...  

This pain

so im having trouble breathing and i have allot of pain threw my body im shacking allot and i feel like some one is chocking me. but i have nothing to fear but i am still scared its called a panic attack i have them to do some problems i have had in my life.. but idk why im having one today im happy im not sad or any thing but its so bad i am soaked in sweat i am so scared i feel like im dieing but its ok i only get 3 or so a day but there normally not this bad i just get a shock of  pain and my hart races and then its over i wish there was some thing i could do.. i probably deserve this but im still happy i just want it  to end so i can get a little bit of sleep

how do you know when you LOVE some one

Love love love love love love what is love, you know when you love some one is when your hart beats 1 mill times a min or cant sleep cuz she is not besides you or when all you do is  think about her, were she makes you do crazy things (in a good way). love is when she hugs  you and you melt in to water like ice in the sun light love is the best emotion in the entire world. you love some one when u look at her picture and you feel and overwhelming warmth. i think that is how you know your in love...... when she hugs you you want to hold her forever and not let go that is love i think im right but if not well then i guess i like being wrong about this :D i have a girl friend now guys and she is the best girl ever Casandra beebe you are the best girl i am lucky to have you as  i tell you that over and over

IM SO HAPPY

Life is starting to fall in place to me i  got to meet some one really cool thanks to facebook i did not realize that i liked her tell after her and her bf broke up  she is so amazing im having so many feelings i do not know these feelings its been so long im so happy she is just so beautiful and cute and funny and kind so many things ahhhh i cant stop thinking about her i hope that is not weird im so nervous i hope im good enough for her i hope i do not mess any thing up. im so freaked out about not be good looking enough im a mess right now but im gonna get my hair cut etc i will carry the world on my shoulders for her ill give her my hart i will be there for her.....

Sigh

SIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

I do not know what to do any more im so sick of every thing i want to be happy im tired of waking up alone and seeing no one next to me. I think im a good guy. maybe im not cuz all these bad things that has happened to me. I know i have only had 1 good real relationship the rest were blah and a waste of time... I do not push sex. i do not push any thing im calm and im all ways there for my gf well im all ways there for every one. I just am tired of all the bull shit. i have waited for a girlfriend for 2 years now i have tryed my best to find her then i gave up looking. i just need love advice should i start being a dick or should i keep being nice and be the "friend". the rest of my life I do not know IF YOU DO PLEASE ADD ME ON FACEBOOK AND TELL ME. i hope my next post is a happy post im tired of being sad all the time... talk to me and ask if u want ot talk to me about this post i will not convo you and talk to you about it that annoys people i guess the music i was playing was stop and stay one republic

Allright

So, im in a good  mood today im chating with some friends and i talked to some one that i have not seen in a long time playing music all that good stuff but yet i have this sad feeling in my hart well i figured it out i was so annoying to the people i like as more then a friend cuz i liked them too much that i drove them away i spent to much money on them i went overbored and was rude and  i regret that now.. i really hope i do not lose friends over this I DO WANT TO TELL YOU ALL that i am here for you i am not going to talk my biz to you, but i will if you ask me too i want to cheer you up even if i do not know you i do care i was told once that im not like any other person that person knew and im hoping that is a good thing... like all ways let me know my facebook is on the right side. good lucky and be safe Message me at any time

tired

Im tired

im so tired of the stress

and sadness

and being sick

and lonely
im just tired of the fighting the lieing the every thing why cant stuff start working out the only time im happy is with my friends and they dnt even want to hang out with me WHAT IS GOING ON i do nothing wrong i treat people the way i want to be treated i just dnt get it any more im so tired im so so tired :( i want to be happy and i want it now ive been alone and sad for far to long its my time now i want to be in love i want a job i want my own place i need things things there is no long wants i cant take it any more

Stop

I cant believe the way im feeling so lonely. I gotta stop feeling like this why is there so many feelings like this... were is my dream girl... I keep on thinking i found the one and it ends up being not her what is going on in my life why cant thinks start going right and stop going wrong all i want is happyness thats it. am i allowed to get that

How im doing?

How I am doing? I am not doing well at all. I feel so sick that i am going to die... I fight every day with my moms boyfriend. Even tho I do not start it but I thinking if i did not exist these things would not happen and my mom would not hate her life she would be so happy... Becuase the fighting would stop. I cant seem to get a job no matter how hard i am trying Im losing my mind... Having panic attacks over stress crying for no reason at all i even broke down in front of 2 people this past weekend. Im a emotional wreck and, I do not know what to do. i have no one to turn to to help me becuase i do not want them to see me as a bad person or some thing i do not know what to call it. I just know one thing. I NEED HELP!!! with no money, no job, and im sick. this is scaring me i only have 2 weeks now to find a job get a place to live and get healthy so I can work hard.... OH MY GOD!!! im so scard. I can not live on the street again i cant do it i will die my health is going to shit... I wish some thing would go right. but it will never happen.... I should not let these things get to me as there is way worse off people then my self...

Weekend

I had the best weekend ive ever had... i spent time with such awesome people... I cant wait to do this again i hate that i cant do this every day. sure some things were bad but i can get over it... i just want to prove to people that im a guy that can be with you for ever and im going to do that. i am sick so if i do not keep this updated i will probably be in the er.

I think to hard :)

Ya know i think about stuff to hard earlyer i posted about hating valentines day. well i do not  and that was very selfish there is so many sad people around so im not going to be  sad. that is selfish i will cheer each and every one them up the reward i want for this is NOTHING i do not want to get any thing for doing this. i just want you people to be happy. if you want to repay me just post on my wall what you think of me on facebook. I love all my friends the same way i love my self witch is a little to much... I mean have you see my body O M G im hot lol im just kidding but for real please cheer up if your alone by your self on this great day and you are sad come talk to me ill help you threw it. every one needs some one to hear them out and im that some one

Valentines day

Valentines day is  such a hard day as i have never had a gf during it or been with any one for it this sucks cuz i want to be with the chick so bad but i cant... there is so many reasons why not but it  cant be helped im going to impress her i just dnt want her to get wearied about by me i mean we know each other rly well but AHHH i suck at this stuff.

Worry

Is it bad that i worry about my friends?

Hell on earth

Ok the sadness of facebook got to me for the last couple months ive been sad but the last 2 years of my life has been hell on earth. my dad died and so many other thigns have happened ive had it so freaking hard i hope this year gets better i look at my body and all i see is sickness and destroyed body.  i men if you look at my hands i can see bones and every vain my skin is pale and i all ways feel sick to my stomach. i feel like my heads going to explode all over the place. how can people just move on after seeing there father die in front of them how do people move on from these thing. im sorry for bloggin about sad  stuff all the time its just how im feeling i hope after tuesday,  (im hanging with a bunch of friends) ill feel better.  i want this to go away i want the nightmares to end i want to stop being sad all the time. thats  why im thinking that helping people is a good thing for me because it makes me very happy.  there is this girl i really like she is perfect the only problem is she is sad too and i want to make her happy. i will talk about this girl in a later blog.

the situation

so im sitting here watching brokeback with a group of amazingly hot chicks and im not paying attention to the movie at all i do not even know what the movies about and this girl leans forword and i saw right down her shirt and saw every thing so now i got a hard on and then she looks up i look away and i start watching the movie and i find out its about the gay men so now im trying to hide my boner and then the girls start payin attention cuz im blushing and im shifting around to hide it i think ill go with i go to the bathroom to take care of it but then one of the girls walk in on me and now i have to explain to them it was not cuz of the movie it was cuz of that one girl so i start explaining why and they are just laughing at me and im thinking to my self ill never get with these girls now to this day i have not lived it down...... it was so awkward explaining this lol btw this is made up think you to the idea jeff  b. comment to tell me you  like it and ill keep making story's up

my view of love and my goal in life

there is all different kinds of love, there is the love we have then there is the love for friends and fam and then my love to show kindness to people that need it. my goal in life is to show as much kindness as i can and stop being sad i will do this no mater what ill put others needs in front of my own i do not need money i do not need any thing for my self i just want every one on the world to be happy and loved. so today im going to start a project and that is to go on youtube and facebook and cheer people up and when im walking around out side i will then be kind to random people or do some thing funny. i feel like this is some thing i have to do nothing will stop me. by tell a new post

WORD WHAT IS WITH

Ok im sitting on the computer and i see on facebook so many sad people it makes me sad i wish i could just cheer every one up. i want people to be happy it sucks that there sad but when i say some thing they will probly get offended so i will not message you just convo me im sure i can try to cheer ya up peace out

Shinedown-Breaking Inside - with lyrics

Sissy's Song - Alan Jackson With Lyrics

3 wishs

if i had 3 wish
i would wish for every one to be happy
i would wish for every one to have food
and i would wish for you to be wit hme
with

The Smashing Pumkins "Zero"

Deaf Pedestrians - 15 beers Ago

i feel sorry

I feel sorry for all the people that are truly sad and lonely during the Valentine Holiday. Im sorry to all of you but do not give up hope you will find some one out there.  Im sure you want to fall in love but it does not happen over night. like in movies. If your reading this your telling this how does this guy know what he talking about he has not had a girl friend in 2 years. becuase im lonely but i do not let it get to me to much theres gotta be somebody for every one and i know as i type these things if the love of my life is reading this then i know she will message me and tell me. its not about me tho its about you if you want some one to talk to about love or any thing man or a women let me know i do not want you to be sad and alone and dealing with this by your self good luck and be safe.

Three Days Grace - Last to Know with lyrics

this will be for her

new trade mark

this is going to by my new trade mark Rich Vanden Aker has a nick name by the name of Dick Dangler lol

I think this song is ok

The Fray - Look After You

what am i doing

what am i doing im just sitting on the computer i miss all my friends i miss hanging out with them every day and getting drunk at party's why did it stop. most of all i miss laughing all the time lets hope things get better. I have a feeling they will i mean i miss these things but that's part of growing up. I do not even really do any of the things i use to do. life sucks but im going to deal with it the best way i can. Im thinking allot and thats causing panic attacks and headaches. but ill be ok all i need is to have a little fun if i die from these things ill be glad i lived the life i had. Im sure no one will miss me when im gone i have not affected any one the way my dad did but im trying the best i can be. peace out thank you for reading im looking for some one to edit these and make them look better im not very good at spelling or any thing like that so sorry about that. peace

Augustana - Boston

OneRepublic - All Fall Down (Live)

Lifehouse - Hanging By a Moment Lyrics.

Apologize by Timbaland feat. One Republic made by linkinparkfan54

good song

thank you to the person that made this video click watch on you tube to see who made it. dyaa1810

Do you think

Do you think people can be happy with out having some one in there life?  I do not think it can happen. there has to be some kind of love involued in your life with out you losing your mind some people are so scared about being alone that that they make sure they are never alone. I have been alone now for 2 years and i have a few people i like and im trying to get with  Ill talk about them with out saying there name one i have know for about a month now and she is SO awesome she is funny kind very cute and not that looks matter  but good looking she is a little younger then me but you would not know it we talk all most every day all day. we will name her 1. then there is a girl i know for about 12 years now. She has a kid she has a job i think we do not talk to much any more and when im around her im just sad im not with her more i would love to see her allot more but do to some things we can not see each other as much as we want to well as much as I want to. she is also very kind very cute and very good looking she is VERY mature. ill probly never be with her but it does not hurt to talk about her. I all think she has a boyfriend but like i said im not to sure.. 3 i only know for about 6 months now and she allso has a bf and is very cute but her kindness is so unreal that it attracts me to her she is dealing with some bad things at this time but i wish she would just give me a chance to help her deal with these things. it sounds like to me that her boyfriend is a asshole and is driving her to do some crazy things i wish i could her.



Im going to talk about some thing really really hard for me my dad. he was the coolst person you could no he is so freaking kind to people and never judge sure me and him fought but i was stupid. every one is stupid about some things......... My dad died do to hart attack..... I was suppose to do shovel the drive way but i just got home from work and it was a long shift so i went and took a nap then i hurd my dad shoveling. So i came out side and said dad let me do it he yelled at me no ill do it, after he got done doing the drive way he came in side breathing really hard and that scared me becuase my dad never does  that. as he was in side i herd him yelling at my mom about how lazy i was then i hear a bang. he fell he was now suffering from a hart attack..... my mom yelled for me i then run in there a see him and a break down no not this im so sick to my stomach  just taking about this. as me and my mother was trying to revive my dad even with the dr over the phone. the emt  go to the house and worked really hard to try and revive my dad but did not. he died on dec 10 at 7 30 pm do to hart attack i lost not only my dad but my best friend in the world he would care about things that i cared about he would talk to me and would not yell at me for no reason he all ways took care of us good and it FUCKIN sucks that he is gone im suffering so much right now that im reliving what happen that night i have no idea how to deal with it.....  i then lost my job a few months later was homeless and now im back at my mom trying to get my life together i need help from my friends to get threw this with out you i am not me so thank you for thoes of you that helped me deal with my dads death  and hung out with me.


love you dad Keith Vanden Akker Nov. 24, 1963
Departed on Dec. 10, 2009
http://obit.cookfuneralhome.com/obitdisplay.html?id=734800&clientid=cookfuneralhome&listing=Found

I love the sound of this song it is really cool. it does make me think tho and realize  allot of things but ill be fine. enjoy the song

move looks sweet as hell

Its late

Hi its late. I am posting at 307 am eastern im sad i miss my old life i want to have a job why does this stuff happen to good people shit pisses me off all i do is be nice to every one i know and i help out so why is it that bad things keep on happening to me i want it all to stop. My dad my friends have died i have allot of friends and i feel very loved but i do not know if they mean that becuase all i see is backtalk about me from people Ive been friends for 12 years. I want to be happy its all i ask for. God i pray to you right now please bless me with some one that can hold me and explain that every things going to be fine. sure i have meet a few women but there out of my league should i stop believing in the league people tell me i show but these girls are so great deftly a women i meant the other day she is awesome good looking funny amazing all i do is think about her is that weird? i do not know but i hope things work out girl you know who you are. i want to feel the love im probably lame for saying this but i want it... that is all for now good luck every one have a good day/night pending on what time you read this. sorry about my spelling i try my best.

another good song by my fav band

One of my fav songs i play this band when i blog

Edit

Love

by Rich Vanden Akker on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 1:41am

1. feel tender affection for somebody: to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend, or for something such as a place, an ideal, or an animal
2. feel desire for somebody: to feel romantic and sexual desire and longing for somebody
3. like something very much: to like something, or like doing, something very much
4. Love Rich Vanden Akkers  what it means to me is love is an affection for somebody that you cant live with out that no matter how much they fuck up. you will all ways love them even after they die  you will still love them. love makes bonds like nothing els  you feel there love from miles away and every time you feel there touch  you feel there hart. your hart races when you think about them or when you see them  this is love to me

I have a fealing

I have a feeling things are starting to get better. thank god. i want to be happy. and i know thats going to happen i can feel it in my hart. i know im not very smart. yes i suck at spelling but if you just understand what im saying thats all that matters in the end. im going to list all the things i cant do then going to show you all the tings i can do. i cant spell i do not talk very good im dumb im ugly i cant see out of both eyes im fat. now this is all the things i an do, i am nice i am funny i am out going i make every one around me smile i drop what im doing to help you i am all ways hear to help you no matter what. if im sad and you are sad i stop caring about my self and start caring about you and try to cheer you up. i do not care about money i are about you. when i meet you i  am your friend tell then end even if you fuck me over ill still help you out i do not care if your gay bi what ever as long as your happy being you. I see my self as some one that looks over there friends and guides them the best they can even if it hurts me or if i love you for more then a friend and you love some one els i will help you go with the other man. I do belive in god but i do not push my god  on you if i did some how im sorry. like i said im all ways here for you if you need my help just message me ill help you the best i can i do not care what im doing ill stop to help you i love all my friends and i hope to see you all for fill your dreams. Good things come from a good hart be kind to those who need  it please

found this on the like page and i like it cuz it said who i am

Hi, I'm a guy. I'm single. I would never cheat on you. I would always text you first, tell you that you're beautiful every day, say I love you in front of my friends, never choose my video games over you, protect you, try my best to never make you cry, hold you and never let you go, kiss you in the pouring rain. Yes, ladies, I do exist. No, I'm not gay. Stop dating douche-bags and jerks.

I know you are out there

I know your out there the love my life. i know this so much so that i can feel it. i want to see your face i want to feel your touch. i know there is some one for every one im sure your kind and beautiful. im sure your funny and sweet. I know you excited to meet me as much as i am. I cant wait to meet you but im going to stop looking and you will find me. ill know your out there so just go ahead and tell me. ill hug you and hold you and make you smile when your sad. Like i said ill know you here and thats why im going to stop looking even if you do not read this your going to know because when i look in to your beautiful eyes ill know right then and there that your the one for me so cheers to meeting you i cant wait to spend time with you. every body that knows you and me will know that were the right choice for each other so lets just do this. i do not believe in leagues. if your hot or not i do not care as long as i love you and you love me  thats all that really matter...

So im typing this to the song One Republic All the right moves. sorry about the spelling hope it helps me find some one peace

I have done this

I have done this before.. I was blogging on  facebook how my life is going so i decided to put them on here since i do this daily and all most hourly my fealings change so much lol well here it gos ill be posting all my stuff on here it should take an hour or two good luck